Thursday, December 10, 2009

GYN Waiting Room

I had my annual appt with my most favored Dr. Believe it or not, I mean that seriously. I have been going to my Gyn since I was 18. He has operated on me more times than I can count and always has a big smile for me. How can you not love a guy who compared the cyst on my ovary to a peanut m&m? Yes, and he actually used the m&m for a visual. Nice, right? These days, thankfully, my visits are just maintenance.

Anyway, I dragged my mom along with me because he is in Boston and it meant a trip over the bridge to the land of malls and all the stores that Cape Cod does not have. So we are sitting in the waiting room when this elegant, much older woman walked in with her niece. The woman had very white hair, a beautiful purplish, bluish long cape with a matching hat and 2 inch heels. She was walking with a cane and carried herself very nicely. They had to sit across from us and I had to eavesdrop. It's genetic. It's what I do.

So the niece is asking her aunt questions from a 3 page document that new patients have to fill out.
Niece: "Do you have hemmroids?"
Aunt: "No, I don't think so."
N: "Oh you would know if you had them."
N: "How about glaucoma, heart disease, hardening of the arteries?"
A: "No."
N: "Loss of hearing?"
A: "What?"
N: (giggling) "Loss of hearing?"
A: "Oh yes."

At this point my mom asks me a question and I think I may have shushed her. I was really into this story. I wanted to know why she was there.

N: "When was your last mammogram?"
A: "My what?"
N: "Your last mammogram. You know when they squish your " and she pointed to her boobs.
A: "I have no idea."
N: "Have you had one since you have been married?"
A: " Not that I know of."
N: "So we'll put 50 years or so."

Yeah, I practically fell off my seat.

N: "How about a pap smear?" She gets an inquisitive look from the Aunt and decides that that has probably been 50 years too.
N: "Smoking?"

I think my mom was trying to ask me something at this point because I couldn't figure out if she smoked a pack a day still or cut back to 3 or 4 cigarettes.

N: "How about drinks? How many do you have a week?"
A: "Don't you mean a day?"
N: "OK, how many a day?"
A: " I don't know, 3 or 4. I like vodka."

At this point I had to go into my appt. (That was a whole 'nother story, that I am not sure I want to share.) Evidently, it was the woman's first appt. with the Dr and she was having some stomach issues. She was probably close to 80 and the niece was in her 50's. They were having fun with each other, laughing at some of the questions. My mom told her that Dr. R was a fabulous Dr and she replied, "Well he sure asks a lot of questions!"

So, my hope is that she is ok. And my advice to you, is don't sit near me in a waiting room, restaurant, train, plane, pretty much anywhere within earshot, or you might wind up in a post.


Caution/Lisa said...

You did exactly what bloggers, and women in general,are supposed to do. Well done, Sue!!

But really, 50 years?! I hope she's okay, too.

Unknown said...

LOL...I so enjoyed this post and i too eavesdrop while in waiting rooms!

Justine said...

These are the best kind of posts, if you ask me! What a cute conversation, but so sad that the woman has never had her female bits checked out! Scary!

Now I want to hear about your visit with Dr. M&M!

Justine :o )

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Please tell me he let you eat your M&M cyst!!! :)

Seriously, I need to know.

Hallie :)

Tara R. said...

That's hilarious! Remind me to not talk on a cell phone around you. Hope you and she both are fine.

k a t i e said...

Lucky the old duck hasn't been struck down by ovarian cancer - or liver disease!

I have a strange craving for M & M's suddenly...

Hope your appt. went well for you.

Heather said...

That is hysterical, and slightly sad too, that she hasn't been in such a long time. My annual is something I NEVER miss. Ever.

Melisa Wells said...

Funny story, but more importantly, is there a Target in the land of malls and did you go there?

Anonymous said...

Melisa, we hit every store between here and Boston and then some. Target was the first stop! What I don't have now - tooooo bad! Sally