Our Turn

Bobby and I took my brother, Tommy, into Dana Farber today for his radiation and chemo. It has been a day I have been looking forward to in a weird way. He has had 4 other chemo days and has been going to radiation 5 days a week since after Thanksgiving. I have been working on those days so other family members have taken him. Today was our day! 

We passed Fenway Park on our way in to the city.

Radiation was pretty quick so we waited in the cafeteria for over an hour. Tommy cannot taste anything and has sores in his mouth and throat, both things making it very difficult to eat or want to eat. His go to is tapioca pudding and apple juice.

We took a walk through the healing garden. It was very peaceful and made me feel better. Tommy's left cheek is swollen and red from the radiation which is making it hard to talk and smile.

We got to meet his adorable Dr (when did Drs get so young?). He has a house on the Cape, so of course we bribed him with lobster and clams. Dr was pleased with the progress and sent us on to chemo.

There is something to be said for seeing your brother hooked up to different drugs, one being called "poison" and acting like it is natural and normal. I did what I could, but mostly we just hung out, amused him with a few stories and one of us had a nap.

People often call people fighting cancer brave. Tommy is brave, but the things that impressed me the most was his kindness. He was polite to everyone. He engaged in conversations about Christmas with his nurses. He offered a woman his chair. He asked his Doctor to come out to the waiting room to meet us. He thanked everyone. He is awesome. I am more than impressed and proud of his integrity.

When you are in a hospital all day, you forget about time and the outside world. I happened to take a trip to the bathroom at sunset. It was beautiful and gave me hope.

When we went to the valet to get the car, the 3 of us were waiting in a circle (triangle). I looked down and in the middle of us on the floor was a shiny penny. I know that that was a sign from our friend MJ who died when he was 16 and we were in our late teens/twenties. We will take all the signs and prayers we can get to cure Tommy of this sucky disease.

PMC or My Brother Rocks

My brother is my hero because he overcame cancer (11 years ago!) and helps others with cancer by riding his bike every year. This year he rode in his 8th Pan Mass Challenge which is a 2 day bike ride from Sturbridge to Provincetown (192 miles). The PMC raises money for cancer research. Before he rode the PMC, he rode the Lance Armstrong ride in Austin, Texas. That was 100 miles in one day. The second year, my mom, dad, sister and I all went to cheer him on. It was a most amazing trip. Here we are at a rest stop with him. (Sally's umbrella was to protect her from that hot Texas sun).

Tommy rides for a team called Team Lick Cancer. Here is a smattering of their t-shirt designs worn by his biggest fans.

Here we are the other day cheering him on at the Nickerson State Park rest stop. Doesn't it kill you that he doesn't even look winded and this was 1/2 way through day 2?!

One of the benefits I get from him riding his bike on this great team is that he rides with a bunch of people who we both went to high school with! Celebrating at the finish in Provincetown on Sunday, I got to have a mini reunion with 3 handsome classmates. Rich, this is a shout out to you because you actually asked if I was going to write about you and this! I love when people tell me they read what I write.  :)

One of these years I hope to ride the PMC with him, but right now I am happy being his biggest cheerleader!!

Why?

"Why?" is such a loaded question. 

Yesterday, an extremely smart, kind and funny boy was taken from our lives. 

Why?

Did God need help with Apple products? Did He need a young person to round out the older population in Heaven? Did He need another guardian angel to watch over earth?

Why?

How do you explain this to his friends? How do I explain this to my daughters? How do I explain this to B who was one of his close friends? 

Why?

Everything happens for a reason, I have always believed. It is hard to find a reason when a good solid kid, from a good solid family gets brain cancer a year ago and loses his battle. Do you ever wonder why criminals don't get stricken with brain cancer and not good kids?

Why?

When I was in my early 20's, I lost my Grandmother one January and then a 16 year old family friend the next month. I loved my Grandmother to pieces, but I could understand that she was older and that is a natural progression of life. Why my friend MJ died suddenly while skiing with his ski team; that I could not understand. The only thing I could wrap my head around was that I had a special guardian angel and combined with my grandmother, they make quite a team.

Why?

I have known people who have gone to their first wake and funeral as full adults. My first funeral was when I was in 6th grade and a 5th grade teacher in our school died. I was on crutches, wore a white denim jumper with a plaid shirt underneath. (Hey, it was the 70's) It's weird the things you remember. I was a seasoned veteran of wakes and funerals by the time MJ died. 

Why? 

Brad and B were on the same intellectual level. They laughed together, talked together and jump roped together. Their double dutch freestyle (4 person) routine won 10th place at Nationals. The highest place  their team had ever placed in this event. I keep picturing them doing donkey kicks in the middle of the routine. Both, in shape, and totally in sync. This was 5 months before Brad was diagnosed with a brain tumor. 

Why?

It's going to take some time to figure out the "reason" that this has happened. Sometimes it takes years to figure out the "reason". Sometimes, when unfair things happen, I have to make up a "reason" just to keep my sanity. My dad is a big believer in "say 3 'Ah-Shits' and move on". When I told him about Brad, I said that 3 Ah-shits were not going to cut it. He said, "Yes, this may need at least 12". 

Or more like 12,000.