Say What?

Things you hear when you are in the car for 5 hours (driving to a jump rope competition in New Hampshire) from your 10 year old daughter and 9 year old nephew....

*How do you stop a kid from breast feeding?

*I think you could move better jump roping with tighty whities, not boxers.

After having ice-cream:

*A scoop will make you poop.

*A-doy

*Have you ever put Purel in your belly button?

Yeah, never a dull moment.....

The Tenant

Have you ever stepped out of your shoes and wondered how someone else might view you?

Matt has decided to get a boy from some foreign country who is working in town for the summer to rent our little apartment over our garage. He speaks some English, I am just not sure how much, since I haven't really had a conversation with him.

I have seen myself through his eyes this week and have laughed wondering what he thinks about American families.

First, he must wonder exactly how many cars we have. My car has been in the shop 2 different times in the last week (that's a whole other post). One day I borrowed my mom's car, one day I had my dad's car. Matt has had the large fish truck in the driveway and his regular truck and then sometimes he parks at the barn (not visible from our driveway). My mom has popped in and also watched the girls. My mother in law has stopped in and friends have dropped off kids and picked up kids a few times.

He has a bike and rides it everywhere. Yesterday, as I was coming down the driveway, he was walking up it and it was starting to rain. I was thinking I should offer him a ride, when I asked him where he was going. He was going to get the large container of salt that had fallen out of a grocery bag, that I had just driven over. Yup, real nice, sweet impression. Then he asked me where V had been lately. V is the woman that is in charge of the barn/horses and helped Matt get the "tenant". She was who he met first with Matt. So now I am wondering if he thinks Matt, V and I live in the house with the girls or Matt and V are a couple and I am the help? V actually lives 2 houses away on the other side of the "farm".

The poor boy. I can only imagine the stories he is frantically emailing home to his friends and family!

Foreshadowing

I caught a glimpse of my future yesterday.

It scared the shit out of me.

I picked up K from school and she asked to go to Dunkin Donuts on the way home to see if they had lemonade coolattas yet (a summertime treat). Reasonable request, so we hit one of 3 DD's in a 5 mile vicinity of school. (We can't get a Target on Cape Cod, but you could line up all the DDs on Cape Cod and probably walk on their roofs to England.)

I sweetly say to the nice man, "Are you serving lemonade coolattas yet?"

The very unfriendly man says, "We don't have them. They are now discontinued."

K opts for a glazed donut and as we get in the car, she bursts into tears and throws her donut in the backseat.

Yeah, she is THAT devastated over the "not ever again, lemonade coolatta".

She yells about never (NNNNEEEEEVVVVEEEERRRRRRRR) going to DDs again. Ever!

This tantrum goes on for 30 MINUTES.

OMG!

My mind immediately fast forwards to the first boyfriend break up. If she is crying for 30 minutes over lemonade, what is she going to be like after a breakup?

I need a show called Super Nanny for Teens. NBC, ABC, CBS, if you can read this could you quickly create this show because my graduate degree in teaching technically only goes through 3rd grade. I am currently wading in uncharted waters about to be in over my head!

What?

Me, "Hey girls, I have a physical tomorrow."

B, "Is that with Dr. Reilly?"

Me, "No, it's just a regular physical."

K, "What is Dr. R?"

Me, "He is a plumbing Dr."

K, "What does that mean?"

B, "It means he is a vagina-ologist."