Word Play

K and I were picking up B from jump rope yesterday in the pouring rain. As I parked I could see 2 kids in the foyer, but I couldn't tell who they were. K says what I hear as
"Oh, there's Yan from Holland".
I say, "Really? Who's Yan from Holland?"
She gives me the most incredulous look and says, "It's John Mulholland". (A boy who she has grown up with.)
Guess it is time to get the ears checked.


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The other night we had Chinese food. K opens hers up and reads her fortune.
"The real secret to success is embarrassment."
"Really? Embarrassment? Let me see it."
It actually says "enthusiasm".

I guess the 2 are interchangeable sometimes!

An 80's Prom!

The PTO put on an 80's prom for adults this weekend.

It was so much fun!

Some of my friends really got into it and went and had their hair done and bought dresses (80's style), while other (bitches!) who still fit into their prom dresses wore those. The gym was dressed up with stars, twinkle lights, a disco ball and red balloons. There were corsages and boutonnieres for sale along with the opportunity to have your "prom" picture taken. And obviously there was plenty of 80's music to go around!

Pretty corsages...

My vote for cutest couple!
The prom "king" and "queen"...
Me, trying out my Madonna/Debbie Gibson/Cyndi Lauper look...
My date absconded by the prom queen....
The court, trying to get themselves together, mind you this was late in the night and we were able to legally drink at our prom...
Maybe next years will be a 60's prom? Stay tuned.....

It's a Birthday!

Turning 42 is not quite as eventful as turning 6 or 11 or 40 for that matter, but I had a good day nonetheless. Was sung to, got a pedicure and had lunch with my mom, had a quite afternoon, have a facebook page of Happy Birthdays and had Chinese for dinner with my family and CAKE.

In my mailbox today, I received the most beautiful necklace with a starfish, sand dollar and pearl on it. Unfortunately it came without a message of who sent it. I can't figure out how to call the place it came from. Would anyone like to take credit? I would love to thank you properly!

What?

Me, "Hey girls, I have a physical tomorrow."

B, "Is that with Dr. Reilly?"

Me, "No, it's just a regular physical."

K, "What is Dr. R?"

Me, "He is a plumbing Dr."

K, "What does that mean?"

B, "It means he is a vagina-ologist."

Vermont weekend, part deux

As I think I had mentioned, we were 2 miles from Canada. My girls being the neglected things they are, have never been to Canada. Being the heck of a mom I am, I drove them to the border. Their first reaction.... "Canada looks a lot like the United States."

After avoiding the questions from the border police, we peacefully went back to the very cute house we were staying at. I couldn't get enough pictures of this barn. It was just SO cute!

While the adults went out to dinner, the kids decorated the house with streamers and balloons for a surprise birthday celebration for ME! We were met at the door with "SURPRISE!" and "SHIT, THE TOILET IS OVERFLOWING!" It could have been the other way around because to the kids I am not sure which was more exciting! Flooding solved and cake eaten, all in all a great day!!!

Before we left, I got a picture of the 5 kids in front of the barn (of course). It was snowing a bit to add to the charm. 
Then we hopped in the car to drive the 315 miles home with a couple of stops at key stores. New Hampshire is synonymous with outlets and state liquor stores and as a bonus: really cheap gas!

PS, Birthday is Thursday, just incase you needed to know!

Skiing, finally!

We finally went skiing for the first time this year on Friday and Saturday. Friday we went with my family to Wachussett, a mountain in MA. We had lots of fun and then the girls and I drove to Newport, VT to meet up with 2 friends and 3 kids to ski at Jay Peak. Yesterday, we drove 325 miles home. Here is my ode to Jay Peak.

The day dawned bright and sunny,
The tickets were free and cost us no money!
The girls were dressed, one on skis, one on a board,

Down the slopes, they shussed
and roared.
One small attitude problem, led to taking a walk,
Moral improved after a stern 'talk'.
A wedding appeared, as I was sunning on the deck,
Girls in toeless high heels, in the snow, What the heck?
Weddings follow us, wherever we go,
Who knew we would see one in Vermont on the snow?
Our VT journey continues in tomorrow's muse,
It includes Canada, a party and stunning views.

"that mom"

Not that I really want to be talking about Octomom, but she is like something I can't look away from. I heard a clip from her on the radio today and I tried to find it so you too could hear it, but I couldn't. You will have to accept my quote as pretty accurate. 

When asked if she has had work done on her lips to make them so puffy like Angelina's, she replied, " I am 50 or so pounds overweight right now. When I lose the weight, my lips will look more normal."

Damn, I wish I had gained some baby weight in my lips! Why was most of it gained in my stomach and ass? How could my lips have looked exactly the same throughout my whole pregnancy?

God Bless her children.

Provincetown or Bust

My mom, my sister and I decided we needed to get out of town today and explore. We ended up in Provincetown, the tip of Cape Cod. P-town is an interesting town in that it houses, gays, transvestites, children and Porteguese fishermen. In the summer, the very narrow roads are congested, there are men singing out in the street in drag, there are many walks of life holding hands and kissing, but in the winter, things are pretty quite. Although, we did see one man in drag singing at a park.

This is the Provincetown Monument. No, in real life it is not really crooked. I was trying to avoid a building and phone lines in the picture.
Here is a cute little, typical store on Commercial Street.
This is one of the main wharfs. 

This is the other side of that building. We never did figure out who these women are, but when I do, I will let you know. Let me just say that the building was really cool with these larger than life portraits.
This was a little Kodak picture spot unique to P-town.
There was a random anchor in town that I made my sister hang out on.
The funny part of this picture is the sand blowing in the background. It was a little breezy out on the tip today!
Here is our happy mom smiling for a photo without knowledge of the naked ass behind her head. 
Karen and I get a little silly with some pretty white shades. The store keeper wasn't as amused as we were.
Finally, we convince (threaten) some lovely couple to take our picture so it actually looks like the 3 of us were together.
We hire out pretty cheap if you are on the Cape in need of tour guides. We only require lunch and depending on the time of day, cocktails. We'll even take your pictures (and plaster them on my blog and facebook!). Please give us 10 minutes notice!

Day Light Savings Time

The weird thing about it staying lighter, later is that 

I still think the girls should be out playing at 6:30 at night. 

I think I should be reading my book on the deck with a cocktail in 65 degree temps at 5:30 pm. 

The sun should be warmish, if it is actually out.

Dinner and clean up should be done by someone other than me. (Hello, I am on the deck drinking and reading a book!)

Homework is a joke after 7pm. Noone, I mean NOONE wants to do it. 

The reality of the time change in March is just a big tease. The sun isn't warm enough, I drink and am buzzed by 7 and still have to do homework, no one else is making dinner or cleaning up. 

At least I am saving on my electric bill, right?

Got Itch?

All you women out there, I am sure you have experienced a yeast infection of the nether regions.

The real question is, have you ever had one in your mouth? Otherwise known as thrush?

Sometimes I get them after having a particular strong antibiotic. So it's not enough to have been sick, then you have the sinus infection which needs to be treated, then you get thrush. So, we are going on a month now of different whoas.

Since I have not gone to the Dr. yet for the thrush medicine, I am hoping I do not find myself sucking on a tube of Monistat in the middle of the night. 

Mustachio Bashio

The Women of Fishing Families put on a great fundraiser this month, if I do say so myself! We had 27 guys sign up to grow mustaches on February 13th and then they were judged on March 13th. The guys did not disappoint! Neither did B and I with our sweet stick on staches!



Erik and Mike show some impressive shaping skills!

Here is my BIL, Timmy, complete with shoe polish on his stache.
My other BIL, Dave, doing an impersonation of the cop in the Village People without even knowing it.This was the winner who had created anchors at the bottom of his stache and came complete with mustache comb.
The judges' choice went to Mr. T.

The Hulk stopped by and even ripped off his shirt to the delight of the 1 female judge and the girls in the crowd!
All in all, an amusing evening at The Red Nun!

vid

5th Annual Talent Show

Last night was the 5th annual talent show for the elementary school. We hold the night performance in the High school. I have done the music for the past 5 years and the program for the last 2. It was a lot of fun, but sad that B ages out of the school for next year. Wanted to give you a little taste of it with B's group of 4th grade friends.

Those 4th grade girls made the background decorations: painted outlines of them. You may recognize B's from the image that was left on my floor.

English is tricky...

We are in the car on our way to Dairy Queen that has opened after being closed all winter (yippee!) and B pipes up from the back seat
"I heard a new word for gay today."
me, "Really? What is it?"
B, "um, mo-mo I think."
me, "Yeah, that would be homo and it's not something you want to be calling people."
This led to a full discussion on homosexuality and genetics, etc....

The other day B and I are in the car (why is it always the car?) and we are talking about the jump rope competition. I told her I was going to make our lunch for that day because I wasn't sure what was being served in the cafeteria. Who wants to jump rope after eating spaghetti? I said there was going to be a bake sale, too and she could get something there if she wanted.
Her response? "Well when you have a mom who makes brownies 2 or 3 times a week because she is depressed, you kind of get used to that kind and no one else's taste as good."
me, "Depressed? I do not bake because I am DE-pressed. I bake because I am STR-essed."
Good Lord what kind of rumors is she spreading around about me?

Parenting Advice #56

Under no circumstance should you paint an outline of your daughter on canvas with acrylic paint without something underneath it like newspaper.


Yes, it did come off with Lysol and elbow grease! Phew!

Jumpin' Fools!

I went to my first Jump Roping Competition on Saturday.

Hmm, that statement makes it sound like I was jumping. Ha Ha NO! I would be in intensive care if i had to do what I saw those kids doing!

B was jumping and she did a fantastic job for her first competition. Everyone on her team won at least 1 medal! Some of the kids (overachievers), won 6 or 7!

What are my conclusions about jumping?

*There are all walks of life involved in jumping.

*Our team's feet are  pretty lucky to be sponsored by New Balance. (They all get matching sneakers.)

*It's funny to watch kids get in the zone when they are jumping for speed.

*I watched a double's freestyle act where the 2 girls that were in it got so mad during their 45 second routine that they stormed off in 2 different directions. 

*Wooden bleachers hurt my butt after a few hours.

* B was not happy that her freestyle routines didn't medal. After I explained to her that this is her first year jumping and her first competition ever and she did come away with 2 medals for other speed events, I had to give her some sage advice. This is straight from my dad.

"Say 3 Awwww Shits and get on with it" She looked at me like what? You want me to say that? I made her say it aloud and it at least made her crack up.

I am looking for a comfy bleacher seat for the BIG competition in one month in Portsmouth, NH. 

Big Sissy has to look "cool".
B and her number 2 fan, Nana. (I am the number 1 fan!)
During her freestyle event.
The very cute ending pose.

Drama Queens

I had to run out to a finance meeting tonight to beg, plead and request some money for the big maritime fest my group puts on each May.

I was gone from 7-8.

This is when all hell broke loose.

I came home to one kid stressing about math homework and another stressing about a science test.

Where was my husband? On the couch, watching tv, oblivious to the drama. He actually had the balls to say that we didn't really need all that money we were asking for, blah, blah, blah. I think the fire in my ears wouldn't allow me to hear anything other than blah.

Calmed the girls down, finished most of the homework.

Layed in bed with one. She informed me that her life was a "drama. A tv drama."

Layed in bed with the other. She informed me that she had the chicken pox, lice and pink eye.

I think I am going to need something stronger than the antibiotics that the Dr. gave me today.

Taking a Bite Out of Walmart

News people on Cape Cod have been dealing with the every day crap that is dished out about the economy this winter. There have also been break ins, car accidents, fires, deaths, births, the usuals. I think we might have hit the point in the winter where the news people are just going to make stuff up to see if people are even listening. 

Case in point; 2 stories I heard about today.

There is a police officer in one Cape town that is being charged with "peeing on a rock fan" and then verbally abusing him. At a Metallica concert recently, this cop decided it was too far to head to "the head" and just peed on the guy in front of him. I might expect this from a woman because we all know how long the lines are to the ladies room, but this was a guy. Evidently he pulled out his police badge so he wouldn't get thrown out of the concert. I think he got thrown off the force instead.

The second story comes from Walmart. 

Walmart is doing pretty well in this recession/depression/secession we are having. With their rolled back prices, they are the one store many can afford. Someone was looking to buy a new wallet at the Walmart in Falmouth the other day. Evidently they had something to put in a wallet. Whatever I need/have can, unfortunatley, fit in my pocket. This wallet buying person was checking out all the nooks and crannies of said wallet and found 10 teeth in a pocket. EWWWWW! 10 adult teeth, one with a filling. The wallet still had the tags on it and no one seems to know how  the teeth got there or from who or why. 

So to sum up the Cape news this week: 

Don't lose your teeth over wet pants.

Take a bite out of crime.

Can we link peeing and teeth loss to the economy?

Stop, Pee and Chew.

Got any others? Are there news stories like this around the country or are these things saved for Cape Cod in the winter?

North Conway or Bust!

This weekend I had the rare opportunity to escape to New Hampshire!

Without husband or kids! 

Or dog! 

Or horses! 

Or goat!

Or goldfish! 

Ok, so it was a "working vacation", but we had more fun than work! Amy and I had a wedding to do in Jackson, NH which is near North Conway, NH. We went up Friday to check the lighting, but it was pouring and foggy. We checked in with the bride and groom, jumped on our beds in our hotel room and went to the outlets! Got some very good bargains and then went to my favorite rest in N. Conway; Delaney's.

Saturday dawned bright and sunny! We hit downtown N.Conway to keep the pre-wedding jitters at bay. I took this lovely picture of Mount Washington while driving. (I mean, I was parked safely on the side of the road and took the picture.)

We got back to the hotel only to find out that the bride had the stomach bug. The wedding and everything was delayed by an hour. We have never felt worse for a bride. She was a good sport and rallied to make it to the church, pictures and the reception. It's probably the only bride that we have seen sporting a Gatorade bottle than a champagne glass.

The Inn was huge and beautiful.
I had to take a picture of this house. It looks like one of our Barbie ornaments that we hang on the tree every year.
We got a little snap happy on the way home, Sunday. Evidently I am raising the roof because I am in front of a covered bridge? Lovely brown snowbanks, huh? Snow would be so much prettier if it didn't turn brown.
Here's Amy and me in front of the bridge. What is up with the Christmas wreaths still up in March? We decided that they must be frozen to the buildings, so they probably won't come down until June. 
All in all, a very fun weekend away! We are already planning our next one, maybe without the work thing!